Closer to hell then home

• I started this blog to be able to give a piece of me.I never been good at speaking to strangers, but I always been great at speaking to the me within. I only truly ever had one friend growing up as a child and that was myself. 

I never felt I belonged or fit in with other kids, so I would always try to find the kids I felt like didn’t have friends. Trying to make since out of the things that makes no since at all to a child. I was raised right but lead wrong “if that makes any since “.I watched my mother get beaten by my father,and when he would leave I would hold her and wipe her tears.I was mostly afraid of my father as a kid,afraid to be a kid that makes mistakes .

When my mother mustered up the courage to leave we had even less,staying from one home to the next.I would spend some of my days in a home without lights or food. The winter  weather  was definitely the worse blankets did little to keep us warm.In the eighties job’s where little to none,my mother would receive welfare. 

Schools I were so distant from mentally, I was so withdrawn and shy I use to hide in class and hope not to be called on.I would doddle on my desktop while my mind would  run wild.I was so selfish conscious and aware of my being, I was always afraid of not being accepted or liked.How  others would view how I speak,what would they think,how would I sound in front of them???

1. I can remember questioning life,and what did it mean to live.Who had control over our life. I use to watch the insects and think I had the power,the decision if they live or die.I use to give thought to what made the decision if I live or die. What makes me go right instead of left, when I could’ve went left and died a tragic death, why wasn’t there when I had thoughts to be.Why did stranger ask for change, the same change I gave him change my direction and altered my timing. That should have been me that died.

Think and grow fit

1. Many people struggle with their weight. What’s the biggest hold up?? What’s really keeping us from being healthier,or having the body we so desperately want.Have you ever seen a man/woman and thought that they looked amazing. Why can’t you get there,why you can’t have that amazing body?? It’s so many programs & workout routines, so many supplements that promises you the look or the feel you always been looking for. Do you sit on the couch at home and think I’m not spending anymore of my money on a get fit quick pill,and then find yourself thinking what if this one is different. 

   Have you ever been to a gym and seen a person and wonder what they doing that your not.How many sets & reps or they doing. Or is it what you eat that keep you from getting the results you looking for. 

   I’m here to tell you from experience that has nothing to do with anything. We ask the wrong questions, it’s not what they doing at the gym, or what they eat or don’t eat.Its what they think when doing what it is they doing, it’s the mind program that we looking for.

   The wonderful woman I’m with now,I met her when she weighed more than 430 pounds she is now down to 202 pounds and counting. We been together two years,she didn’t give up the food’s she enjoy. Who want eat rabbit food,or do extreme diet programs.